rockchick379's Xanga

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02/25/10--11:12: day 1 (chan 1004510)

that was bitter. my bad.
but deleting pictures did help calm me down.
still can't eat though. i'm down to 103 lbs.
that's -10 lbs since friday...

i've decided to be more goal oriented so i have things to focus on:
-be less bitter and more accepting
-be more creative and less destructive
-be more open minded
-be more involved with gymkana
-get pretty giants
-get handspring layout on beam



do you believe in something beautiful?
then get up and be it!






02/28/10--10:00: today is a great day to be alive (chan 1004510)

i had a coach that used to say that all the time ⇑
and i'm finally learning to embrace it.
tomorrow is always a new day.

change checklist: 1 down!
-blue hair: ☐
-tattoo: ☐
-eyebrow ring: ☑ (new profile picture!)

i've been focusing on my goal to be less bitter and more accepting.
i looked at your status and was okay.
my heart raced, but i'm fine.
i usually feel the point of life is happiness.
so if you're happy, i'm happy for you.


one last note:
i looked into the mirror today and realized i'm beautiful.
it was a perfect moment.
i feel very ready to grow. and i like it.



03/07/10--21:45: open your eyes (chan 1004510)

I argued with a friend recently about how life is beautiful.
You just need to open your eyes.
He replied, "No thanks."

I understand if people cannot see what is right in front of them.
I understand if people don't want to see what is right in front of them.
But I don't understand why people refuse to see what is right in front of them.
Why wouldn't you want to at least work towards acceptance?
Why would you choose ignorance over the truth?
What is so blissful about being in the dark?

I will open my eyes. And start looking elsewhere.
I lost sight of the goal Friday night.
But that won't happen again, right?
I'm back on track and ready to focus on my goals.




03/12/10--22:18: sleeping is giving in (chan 1004510)

[edit]
Day 5: I miss my best friend.
Nevermind. This changes everything.

I used to sleep to escape reality.
But now, reality is better than sleep.
Because when I'm asleep, my dreams haunt me.
But when I'm awake, my dreams are simply amazing.

Things that make me happy:
-sophie (forgot my bestie!)


-rootbeer floats


-dancing (in my underwear, of course)


-gymkana (gymnastics and the people)


-traveling (bahamas for spring break!)


-matthew bomer (bryce larkin is beautiful!)


-happy pictures!



03/14/10--19:13: peace, yo (chan 1004510)

I am so ready to leave:
          leave behind my stress,
               leave behind my anxiety,
                    leave behind my nightmares.

I am ready for beauty and awe.
Bahamas until Friday! <3
Not that anyone reads this, but happy pictures will be posted.


And soon enough, Xibalbia will die.
And when it explodes, it will be reborn.
You will bloom.




[edit]
Bahamas=beautiful!
Anberlin=awesome!
Life=lovely!
(yay for alliteration!)


03/21/10--20:33: i was dora the explorer for a few days (chan 1004510)

I wish pictures could fully capture how beautiful a scene is.
These pictures do no justice to the sites I saw.

Day 1: We arrived at the beautiful and sunny city of Nassau! I wandered around while Shaun slept. I took random pictures and saw some historic sites as well.

Very blue ocean


Thought it looked cool


Parliament (they like pink buildings)


Beautiful church garden


Quaint prison-turned-library (my favorite site)



Day 2: I showed Shaun all the places I went to the day before. Then, we adventured to another church and the National Art Museum.

Burnt bell tower that I climbed on top of


Shaun from on top of bell tower


Unique statue at Art Museum


Pretty house we saw on the way back



Day 3: We actually went into the church. But we mostly went shopping and hung out at the beach and hotel.

View inside the church


"He's gonna jump!"


Artwork to hide construction


View from our hotel


Sign



Day 4: I explored by myself again. I walked to Fort Charlotte and then the Ardastra Zoo.

Pathway to Fort Charlotte


Fort Charlotte was creepy


The peacocks wandered around with tourists


But then he wanted us to go away


Beautiful pathway at the zoo


Sign for poor Peking


Margaret and I were flamingos (my favorite!)



Day 5: We headed back home, back to reality.


03/31/10--07:10: Back to working on my goals (chan 1004510)

Goal: pretty giants




They aren't perfect. My cast was lower in the video than it had been during practice. And I need to lead over with my toes and actually generate power. But anyone who knows me will tell you my giant & dismount are nicer than they've been in years. And I'm pretty proud.



04/12/10--10:24: i cannot wait for summer (chan 1004510)

This past weekend was amazing.

Friday & Saturday night = Gymkana Homeshow
- awesome show with my favorite people
- hit bars & beam went well
- bonfire afterwards at zoeeee's!

Sunday = spent the day with my best friend
- mowed the lawn
- played soccer/volleyball
- watched sherlock holmes

Great weekend


04/23/10--21:05: I hear you in every song (chan 1004510)

My current guilty pleasure:

Beautiful girls all over the world
I could be chasing, but my time would be wasted.
They've got nothing on you, baby.
Nothing on you, baby.

They might say Hi,
and I might say Hey,
but you shouldn't worry about what they say.
Because they've got nothing on you, baby.
Nothing on you, baby.

On a completely separate note: I turn 21 tomorrow =)
And I am determined to have a happy birthday for the first time in a while.


04/25/10--23:02: For the first time in college, (chan 1004510)

I had an awesome birthday.
I didn't cry.
I spent time with the people I love.
Instead of worrying about being happy, I was just happy.
I went out to the bars Saturday & Sunday night.
I wasted my day watching tv shows on hulu.
And I loved every minute of it.